I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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