we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
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you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
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No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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