Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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