the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
