i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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