i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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