If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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