She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
