Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize