Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
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I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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