My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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