dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize
