His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
im calling her cock vulture from now on
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in