Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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