How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"