so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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