Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
