We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.