watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.