remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
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I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
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It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.