Non-Jews are for practice
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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