I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
