The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You made out with two different species that night
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
