maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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