my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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