Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Randomize
