idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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