What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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