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Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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