And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
