Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
