I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
