Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize