you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
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Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
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I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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