Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
