you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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