Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
