I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
40s are totally the cure
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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