I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
