dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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