I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
