words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
