Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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