Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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