I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
