I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
