Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
