just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
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