I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
