i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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