i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You can't special order awesome
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
