Pappa wants mamma naked
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
