lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
