Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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