you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
