That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Randomize
