Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
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