Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
