Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
