You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
