You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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