I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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