the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Randomize
