ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
We got so high we made milksteak
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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