I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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