..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
