was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
