You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
