Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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