I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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