do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
