i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
