Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
