she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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