Why are handjobs necessary in class?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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