and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
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You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
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I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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