No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
