i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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