im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
