one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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